Eating Disorder Recovery

I always talk about self love because its something I see lacking in our society, in the way I hear people talk about themselves, but at the core it is something I struggled with for the majority of my life. Lacking that self love, being my own worst critic, seeking perfectionism instead of accepting myself and loving it, i speak about it because it resonates with me, I get it. Growing up I battled with a nasty eating disorder. There were points where I wouldn’t eat for days, then stuff my face. Days I would cry if I ate an apple. Points where I got down to 90 pounds and would still feel like my body was an unwanted weight. I wasn’t healthy, I was addicted to skinny. I’ve worked really hard to overcome those destructive thoughts. I started eating whenever I felt hungry, noticing the language I was using with myself, respecting, trusting and honoring myself. A shift happened; my self-worth was no longer based on my weight, but more about how I felt, how I followed my heart, how I listened to my bodies intuition without fear but with courage. I got brave. I got free. But Just last week I fell into old patterns for the first time in over a year. I didn’t eat for 2 days. I said I was doing a “juice cleanse” but didn’t drink juice.. Then I came to my yoga mat. I felt weak instead of strong. I was breaking my own heart by not listening to what I knew i needed. I was making decisions based on fear instead of love. I had forgotten that everything i need to be happy is within me, not external. So I changed the dialogue and woke the fuck up. I don’t know what triggered me, but I am grateful. Sometimes it takes us falling down in order to realize how far we’ve come. I’m a work In progress and a masterpiece simultaneously. Perfectly imperfect. Moving forward I’ll continue teaching and sharing what I know (and what I don’t), to admit to my fuck ups, forgive others for theirs, to lead with kindness towards myself and others, to always move forward, focus inward instead of outwards, and continue to get okay with the imperfections and lessons that come on this winding road of creating the best version of myself. We all have our demons that doesn’t mean we are them