Backstory and Intention
This blog is going to be an open journal about where I go, my thoughts, feelings, and everything im realizing on this adventure of self healing and discovery. I hope something I say resonates and makes you feel less alone in some way. I hope it inspires you to prioritize yourself, to allow yourself to be human, and to create a life thats your own.
9/06/21
Man where do I begin….
A couple months ago I went through a world shattering and highly traumatic break up from a 6+ year toxic relationship. I was rocked. Its crazy how much heartbreak can shake you to your core, cause you so much pain, make you feel so empty, and yet so alive all at once. Heartbreak wakes you up when you didn’t even know you were asleep. Transitions and endings have a way of doing that. Reminding you of the impermenance of things. Grief is the heaviest emotion out there, but I do think that in that empty space, in the uncertainty, thats where we find ourselves. (I’ll dive deeper into that concept in my next post). None of us are immune to heartbreak, loss, or grief. For me this one cut deep, it broke me down, maybe open ( not sure if im there yet).
As an empath I have a tendency to give more then I receive and I’ve started to unpack the subconscious security that has kept me repeating patterns in my relationships and friendships due to that. This break up really opened my eyes to how I couldn’t be that person anymore and needed to learn how to be my first priority. That realization is what brought on this big adventure. I knew I needed distance from the situation. I needed to be on my own. I needed to heal. I needed to start moving forward. And I desperately wanted to meet the version of myself I knew I had to become, so that I’d never end up in this situation again. I couldn’t numb, distract or avoid the pain like I had in previous break ups. It was time to move through it. I decided to give myself space to grow into. I knew that if I didn’t, I would continue to repeat a pattern and never fully heal.
I woke up one morning in tears. I desperately wanted something to look forward to but my world was up in flames so needed to create a new world for myself. I thought about all the things I knew I needed and impulsively but intentionally bought a plane ticket that same morning. I didn’t and don’t have a plan while here, just a basic idea of the places id like to go in a general order. No flights besides my first one, nothing booked, everything is pretty last minute and thats very intentional. Im doing it this way because I want to take each day as it comes, wake up and tune into how im feeling, where I want to be, what I want to do, with no obligation to anything or anyone besides myself. I don’t want to put myself in a box based on a plan, and I want to let the journey be as organic and intuitive as possible. Im a strong believer that we are the creators of our lives and can make anything we want happen if we just take the steps and get out of our own way. I’ve always been very independent and this isn’t my first time traveling alone. Some of the reasons I love and think solo travel is important are
1. The freedom it brings
2. The independence and relationship it helps you nurture within yourself
3. Getting to do as you please without worrying about anyone else
3. it’s easier to meet people when alone
4. You are always problem solving so get to acknowledge how capable you are to do anything you put your mind to
5. Learning acceptance of what you can verse cant control and flowing with it
So I started my self healing, by taking the first steps. I applied for a delta credit card to get extra miles, bought my plane ticket using the miles, subleased my house, covered my yoga classes, asked my mom to watch my dog, brought work with me, packed my bags, and I was off! Its so easy to get caught up in the fear, the doubts, the what ifs, but in my mind life begins where your comfort zone ends. And I had been pushed out of my comfort zone already. Might as well make the most of it out here. So, ya know, sometimes you just have to send it